The New Bullying - Social Exclusion

Our Interactive Workbook

Bullying has taken a new form on playgrounds across the country. Instead of the child being teased, pushed around or called names, they are shunned and not invited to join games and activities.

The child is being socially excluded.

When we visit classrooms to deliver our Buddy Bench Aware programme we hear the effects this behaviour has on children, although we never use negative language  and especially the word "bullying" in classrooms, we acknowledge this is a form of such. Social Exclusion must be taken seriously, we feel children, teachers and parents should be educated and a  no-tolerance policy needs to be implemented throughout schools and maybe workplaces in Ireland.

The key message in our programme is:

Look Up

Look Around

and Look Out for Each Other!

Illustration from our workbook

Dr. Edyth Wheeler of Towson University in Baltimore County, Md, agrees and has studied social exclusion of children and young adults.

“Four year olds are master at this,” she says. “When they say ‘I’m not going to be your friend anymore’, they are making the threat of exclusion. Children at that age are at the point where their need for adult approval is declining and they are dependent on peer approval.”

Wheeler says she doesn’t believe that children learn from their parents or other adults how to exclude others from their parents or other adults. Instead, she believes it is a knowledge of the human condition which leads to the ability – and desire – to exclude their peers.

“It’s this innate understanding that makes people want to be accepted and let ‘in’,” she said. “To show we have power, we can not accept them and leave them out. Or to cement ourselves as a group – to be a stronger ‘we’ – we’ll identify a ‘them’.”

According to her work, young girls are specifically good at performing acts of social exclusion. For them, it’s a strong and powerful tool used to negotiate their world and relationships.

There’s good news, according to Wheeler, if you’re the victim of social exclusion.

“It’s not a permanent condition,” she says. “It peaks and then goes away. Part of it is about finding your own identity.”

Teachers and parents may also play a role in preventing social exclusion or healing the hurt after it has taken place.

“The adults really need to listen to their children and to pick up the signals,” said Wheeler. “Children need to trust that somebody can help them. If the message can be that everyone is valued and everyone will be listened to, the situations can become better. In classrooms, teachers can create a sense of community and be very aware of grouping. Really, It all goes back to the responsibility of the adult.”