After eight years of being sheltered in one-room, one-teacher mode of primary school and familiar friends children in sixth class will be thrust into a timetabled world of multiple teachers, classrooms and subjects, and a whole new group of peers.
These children were sixth class, governing over the younger children; now they will be at the bottom of the heap, conspicuous in their brand new, over-sized uniforms bought with an eye for "room to grow".
Apprehension as well as excitement is natural – not only for the first-year pupils but also their parents. If it's your first child to make this leap in the education system, you may have that "newbie" feeling too.
This can be a difficult yet exciting stage in a young person's life, with adequate communication skills and coping mechanisms the journey need not be so difficult. We have developed the Transition Buddy programme for sixth class students to allow them move along from the safety of their primary school to their new adventure to secondary.
Challenges
Worrying about how your child will cope with all the challenges of secondary school may be coupled with uncertainty about your own role as a parent in these changed circumstances. Parents report the adjustment of having less involvement in their child's day to day routine and less knowledge of their children's new friends as an adjustment they have to make too. This time also coincides with the rite of passage that is teenage discos, which brings a whole new level of peer pressure they may have not experienced before.
How do you strike a balance between under- and over-involvement, between providing support and being a suffocating "helicopter" parent?
The pre-teen is faced with a wide array of new subjects, with the pressure of having to make decisions about which ones to choose at the end of the year. Having to absorb all these new changes and information can be overwhelming.
Research shows that, in the hiatus caused by the move from primary to secondary school, "a high proportion of kids suffer educational progress deficit – something about the transfer from one set of educational parameters to another causes them to dip in their educational attainment.
Most schools are doing much more these days to smooth the way for first-year pupils, with induction programmes, mentoring by older students and bringing them in for a day before the rest of the school's pupils return. Before the end of June, the schools should have received the now compulsory "Education Passport" for each from his or her primary school.
Our Transition Buddy Programme
It's All About Friends!
While friendships can occasionally be difficult, pre-teens need friends, and having friends will help them deal with all the challenges associated with secondary school. Below are some common friendship problems your child might encounter, along with a few simple solutions to help solve them.
Being Excluded: For many pre-teens, their biggest fear is being socially excluded or ostracized from friends and peers. They desire to be a part of a group, and without one, they feel lost. To make matters even more complicated, many pre-tween experience friendship problems in school, and may actually lose a friend or two in the process, even long-term friendships may suffer.
Dealing with Bullying: We educate your child about bullying, and give him or her ideas on how to handle a bully should he or she come face to face with one. We discuss that good friends don't bully, or try to manipulate others. Good friends also don't torment their friends. Helping pre-teens know the difference between a good friend and a bad one is important information they will need throughout adolescence.
Being Dumped: Rejection is never easy, even for adults and it's especially difficult for pre-teens and teens. Sometimes children are rejected, even by long-time friends, or dumped in favour of more popular kids It's also possible for friends to grow apart during school, as interests change or develop. We discuss that sometimes friendships don't last, and point out friends that are still there for him or her.
Positive Mental Well Being
Children are extraordinarily observant, and as they move outward into the world they want to take responsibility for their own wellbeing and that of other people, the environment and so on.
Through discussion and role-play we introduce the idea that a real hero has self-awareness, can understand their own feelings and cultivate positive habits of thought, cares for their own mental health, knows their own limitations and strengths and develops skills to match, asks friends how they are doing, and knows how to listen well.
This Transition Buddy programme gives the young person the tools for personal and social resilience, and invites children to become members of our Hero Club, ambassadors for friendship and self-fulfilment as they move towards adolescence.
Some of the topics we cover are:
Understanding Feelings
Know Yourself
Body Scan
Move Your Mood
Take Care of Yourself
Be Yourself
Young people can learn in times of distress, that they are able to find comfort and support through each other rather than feeling upset and worried. It's these small changes, spread across classrooms, that could make society more kind—and educate a new generation of more compassionate and connected adults.
To book us to come to your school to deliver the Transition Buddy programme to your sixth class email us on hello@buddybench.ie or call (056) 7702027
The feedback from our programmes is very promising – we are currently completing an evaluation with the Mental Health Social Research Unit at NUI Maynooth. According to teachers' ratings, children show more empathy and kindness and a greater ability to calm themselves down when they feel upset. Their social and emotional development has improved, the children showed improvement in the ability to think flexibly, and had cultivated the life skills that have been linked to health and success in later life.
Mental health problems affect about one in ten children and young people. They include depression, anxiety and conduct disorder, and are often a direct response to what is happening in their lives. By teaching our children and young people about feelings, how they can effect the body and how to cope with them, can alleviate problems now and in later life.
The emotional well-being of children is just as important as their physical health. Good mental health allows children and young people to develop the resilience to cope with whatever life throws at them and grow into well-rounded, healthy adults.
Things that can help keep children and young people mentally well include:
being in good physical health, eating a balanced diet and getting regular exercise
having time and the freedom to play, indoors and outdoors
being part of a family that gets along well most of the time
going to a school that looks after the well-being of all its pupils
taking part in local activities for young people.
Other factors are also important, including:
feeling loved, trusted, understood, valued and safe
being interested in life and having opportunities to enjoy themselves being hopeful and optimistic
being able to learn and having opportunities to succeed
accepting who they are and recognising what they are good at
having a sense of belonging in their family, school and community
feeling they have some control over their own life
having the strength to cope when something is wrong (resilience) and the ability to solve problems.
Most children grow up mentally healthy, but surveys suggest that more children and young people have problems with their mental health today than 30 years ago. That’s probably because of changes in the way we live now and how that affects the experience of growing up.
Dealing with Change
Mostly things that happen to children don’t lead to mental health problems on their own, but traumatic events can trigger problems for children and young people who are already vulnerable.
Changes often act as triggers: moving home or school or the birth of a new brother or sister, for example. Some children who start school feel excited about making new friends and doing new activities, but there may also be some who feel anxious about entering a new environment.
Teenagers often experience emotional turmoil as their minds and bodies develop. An important part of growing up is working out and accepting who you are. Some young people find it hard to make this transition to adulthood and may experiment with alcohol, drugs or other substances that can affect mental health.
Risk Factors
There are certain ‘risk factors’ that make some children and young people more likely to experience problems than other children, but they don’t necessarily mean difficulties are bound to come up or are even probable.
Some of these factors include:
having a long-term physical illness
having a parent who has had mental health problems, problems with alcohol or has been in trouble with the law
experiencing the death of someone close to them
having parents who separate or divorce
having been severely bullied or physically or sexually abused
living in poverty or being homeless
experiencing discrimination, perhaps because of their race, sexuality or religion
acting as a carer for a relative, taking on adult responsibilities
having long-standing educational difficulties.
How Parents Can Help?
If they have a warm, open relationship with their parents, children will usually feel able to tell them if they are troubled. One of the most important ways parents can help is to listen to them and take their feelings seriously. They may want a hug, they may want you to help them change something or they may want practical help.
Children and young people’s negative feelings usually pass. However, it’s a good idea to get help if your child is distressed for a long time, if their negative feelings are stopping them from getting on with their lives, their distress is disrupting family life or they are repeatedly behaving in ways you would not expect at their age.
Types of mental health problem
These are some of the mental health problems that can affect children and young people. You can find out more from the Mental Health Foundation booklet Whatever Life Brings.
Professional Help
If your child is having problems at school, a teacher, school nurse, school counsellor or educational psychologist may be able to help. Otherwise, go to your GP or speak to a health visitor. These professionals are able to refer a child to further help. Different professionals often work together in Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS)
Our Buddy Bench Aware programmes are school-wide social and emotional learning programmes that helps children manage their behaviour, develop empathy and compassion, build positive social relationships, and understand and cope with their feelings. Children have taught us their needs and milestones change dramatically throughout the school duration, therefore our team of psychotherapists have designed four different age appropriate programmes.
Little Buddies age pre-school 3-6
Buddy Bench Aware age 7-9
Buddy Bench Hero age 9-12
Buddy Bench Post Primary 12+
All children deserve good mental health. That's why we have adapted our school programmes for children with Special Educational Needs.
We use a Buddy Bench as a visual tool to help instil much needed lifelong coping skills which is the objective of our Buddy Bench Aware programme. Our thoroughly researched program has been designed by our team and in-house psychotherapist Judith Ashton BA ITEC MFPhys IMTA, who has over 30 years expertise in her field. For the younger children the story in our interactive workbook, written by our Creative Consultant Jeffrey Gormly and illustrated by the very talented Ross Stewart of Cartoon Saloon. It is a story with animals and each animal represents a thought or a feeling but is creative and innovative , being open ended leaving so much to the individual child's imagination. Through our research if a buddy bench is placed in playground without a program it very quickly becomes an attractive climbing frame.
We, as a team of psychotherapists physically visit the school or organisation, our programmes are designed to allow and encourage a child to "feel a feeling" or to "think a thought" we know it is vital that a trained person is present and can identify a situation or problem if it arises, they will then flag a teacher/worker so they can decide if further intervention via the school or the organisation is required.
We are connected with the Irish Men's Sheds on a national level, you can source a bench through them for a cost of approximately €150 which includes a donation to each of the sheds. www.menssheds.ie
Book our team to come to your school and deliver our Buddy Bench Aware programmes which entwines heavily with SPHE. Each sessions is 45 mins in duration which consists of reading our story, role play and/or games which is delivered by our trained staff. Each pupil receives his/her own copy of the interactive workbook to be completed at school or even with the help of their family at home.
"A state of well-being in which the individual realises his or own abilities, can cope with the
normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully and is able to make a contribution to
his or her own community". (WHO, 2001, p.1)
Some of the photos of us Buddy Benchers delivering the "Buddy Bench Aware" programme. These bright as buttons children really got the messages behind the story and really embrace it.
The ethos behind our program is :
LOOK UP, LOOK AROUND, LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER
“We have begun to see positive changes in behaviour, better use of problem solving conversations, reduced discipline incidents, and improved feelings of safety from bullying among our children,” said Lydia Coyne.
After implementing the programme, children knew techniques to solve problems with classmates and ways to “cool off” and manage anger-related emotions." said Michelle Coleman
For many parents, raising happy children is the holy grail of parenting success. But too often, we think happiness is about those fleeting moments of getting what you want. Lasting happiness is actually much more complicated, but much more rewarding. And yes, you can dramatically increase your child's chances of being happy, just by the way you raise him or her.
What makes a happy child who grows into a happy adult? Since happiness is a by-product of emotional health, emotional intelligence and taught coping skills, these are key factors in our Buddy Bench Aware programmes.
What do you need to be happy?
The latest research on happiness gives us surprising answers. Happiness turns out to be less a result of luck and external circumstance than a product of our own mental, emotional, and physical habits, which create the body chemistry that determines our happiness level.
We all know that some of us tend to be more upbeat than others. Part of this is inborn, just the fate of our genes that give us a happier mood. But much of our mood is habit.
It may seem odd to have happiness referred to as a habit. But it's likely that by the time we're adults, we have settled into the habit of often being happy, or the habit of being largely unhappy.
Happiness is closely linked to three kinds of habits:
1. How we think and feel about the world, and therefore perceive our experiences.
2.Certain actions or habits, such as regular exercise, eating healthfully, meditating, connecting with other people, even -- proven in study after study -- regularly smiling and laughing!
3.Character traits such as self-control, industry, fairness, caring about others, citizenship, wisdom, courage, leadership, and honesty.
In practice, these character traits are just habits; tendencies to act in certain ways when confronted with certain kinds of situations. And certainly it makes sense that the more we exhibit these traits, the better our lives work and the better we feel about ourselves, so the happier we are.
Some of the habits that create happiness are visible, the ways Granny told us we ought to live: work hard, value relationships with other people, keep our bodies healthy, manage our money responsibly, contribute to our community.
Others are more personal habits of self management that insulate us from unhappiness and create joy in our lives, such as managing our moods and cultivating optimism. But once we make such habits part of our lives, they become automatic and serve a protective function.
How can you help your child begin to develop the habits that lead to happiness?
1. Teach your child constructive habits to manage his mind and thoughts to create happiness:
Managing our moods, positive self-talk, cultivating optimism, celebrating life, practicing gratitude, and appreciating our connected-ness to each other and the entire universe. Build these into your life together so you model them regularly, talk about using them, and your child will copy you.
2. Teach your child the self-management habits that create happiness:
Regular exercise, healthy eating, and meditation are all highly correlated with happiness levels. But you and your child may have your own, more personal strategies; for many people music is an immediate mood lifter, for others a walk in nature always works.
3. Cultivate fun.
The old saying that laughter is the best medicine turns out to be true. The more we laugh, the happier we are! It actually changes our body chemistry. So the next time you and your child want to shake off the doldrums, how about a good comedy?
And here’s a wonderful tool: smiling makes us happier, even when we initially force it. The feedback from our facial muscles informs us that we’re happy, and immediately improves our mood. Not to mention the moods of those around us-- so that feedback loop uplifts everyone.
4. Help him learn how to manage his moods.
Most people don’t know that they can choose to let bad moods go and consciously change their moods. But practice in doing this can really make us happier. Of course, we aren't talking about denial. The first step is always to acknowledge the upset feelings, and let ourselves feel them. So with your child, simply empathizing with her upset feelings will help them start to evaporate.
But there are times when we just stay in a bad mood, rather than nurturing ourselves through the upset, or choosing to change it. That's just a habit that our brain has gotten into. If you can practice monitoring your own moods and shifting them, through acknowledging the feelings, allowing yourself to feel the emotions, correcting any negative thoughts that are giving rise to the emotions, and nurturing yourself, you'll be re-wiring your brain. And as you practice this and get better at it, you can teach these skills to your child.
Of course, the hard part is choosing to change a bad mood. While you're in it, it's hard to take constructive action to change things. You don't have to go from desolate to cheerful. Just find a way to help yourself feel slightly better. That empowers you to actually face what's upsetting you, and try to solve it. Sometimes just changing our the way we're thinking about a situation really shifts things.
How to help your child with her moods? Sometime when she's in a good mood, talk with her about strategies for getting into a better mood: what works for her? Share what works for you. Then, when she’s in a bad mood, start by empathizing. After she's had some time to feel her upset, ask her if she wants help to change her mood. Even if she’s able to choose a better mood only one out of ten times initially, she’ll soon start to notice how much better her life works when she does it.
5. Model positive self- talk.
We all need a helper sometime to get us us over life’s many hurdles. Who says we can’t be our own? In fact, who better? Research shows that happy people give themselves ongoing reassurance, acknowledgment, praise and pep talks.
6. Cultivate optimism...
...it inoculates against unhappiness. It’s true that some of us are born more optimistic than others, but we can all cultivate it.
7. Help your child find joy in everyday things.
Studies show that people who notice the small miracles of daily life, and allow themselves to be touched by them, are happier. Daily life overflows with joyful occurrences: The show of the setting sun, no less astonishing for its daily repetition. The warmth of connection with the man at the newsstand who recognizes you and your child. The joy of finding a new book by a favourite author at the library. A letter from family member or friend. The first crocuses of spring.
As Albert Einstein said,
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Children learn by our example what's important in life.
8. Support your child to prioritize relationships.
Research shows that people who are happiest have more people in their lives, and deeper relationships with those people. Teach your child that while relationships take work, they're worth it.
9. Help your child develop gratitude.
"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." -- Frederick Keonig
Many people think they can't be grateful until they're happy, meaning until they have something to be grateful for. But look closely and you'll find that it's the opposite: people are happy because they are grateful. People who describe themselves as consciously cultivating gratefulness are rated as happier by those who know them, as well as by themselves.
Children don’t have a context for life, so they don’t know whether they are lucky or unlucky, only that their friend Brendon has more expensive runners or Sofia has a pony. But there are many ways to help children learn to cultivate gratitude, which is the opposite of taking everything for granted.
(Hint: Think modelling, not lecturing).
10. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought.
Buddy Bench Aware
As parents, we need to remember that we are not the only ones teaching our children about life. They get the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell them will matter more, but we need to confront those destructive messages directly.
11. Leave room for grief.
Life is full of joy, but even for the happiest person it is also full of loss and pain, and we have daily reasons to grieve, large and small. Acknowledging our sad feelings isn't focusing on the negative, it's opening ourselves to the full range of being human. Accepting those uncomfortable sad feelings actually deepens our ability to take joy in our lives. Choosing to be happy doesn't mean repressing our feelings. It means acknowledging and honoring our feelings, and then letting them go.
12. Help your child learn the joy of contribution.
Research shows that the pride of contributing to the betterment of society makes us happier, and it will make our children happier too. Our job as parents is to find ways for them to make a positive difference in the world so they can enjoy and learn from this experience.
Bullying has taken a new form on playgrounds across the country. Instead of the child being teased, pushed around or called names, they are shunned and not invited to join games and activities.
The child is being socially excluded.
When we visit classrooms to deliver our Buddy Bench Aware programme we hear the effects this behaviour has on children, although we never use negative language and especially the word "bullying" in classrooms, we acknowledge this is a form of such. Social Exclusion must be taken seriously, we feel children, teachers and parents should be educated and a no-tolerance policy needs to be implemented throughout schools and maybe workplaces in Ireland.
The key message in our programme is:
Look Up
Look Around
and Look Out for Each Other!
Illustration from our workbook
Dr. Edyth Wheeler of Towson University in Baltimore County, Md, agrees and has studied social exclusion of children and young adults.
“Four year olds are master at this,” she says. “When they say ‘I’m not going to be your friend anymore’, they are making the threat of exclusion. Children at that age are at the point where their need for adult approval is declining and they are dependent on peer approval.”
Wheeler says she doesn’t believe that children learn from their parents or other adults how to exclude others from their parents or other adults. Instead, she believes it is a knowledge of the human condition which leads to the ability – and desire – to exclude their peers.
“It’s this innate understanding that makes people want to be accepted and let ‘in’,” she said. “To show we have power, we can not accept them and leave them out. Or to cement ourselves as a group – to be a stronger ‘we’ – we’ll identify a ‘them’.”
According to her work, young girls are specifically good at performing acts of social exclusion. For them, it’s a strong and powerful tool used to negotiate their world and relationships.
There’s good news, according to Wheeler, if you’re the victim of social exclusion.
“It’s not a permanent condition,” she says. “It peaks and then goes away. Part of it is about finding your own identity.”
Teachers and parents may also play a role in preventing social exclusion or healing the hurt after it has taken place.
“The adults really need to listen to their children and to pick up the signals,” said Wheeler. “Children need to trust that somebody can help them. If the message can be that everyone is valued and everyone will be listened to, the situations can become better. In classrooms, teachers can create a sense of community and be very aware of grouping. Really, It all goes back to the responsibility of the adult.”
Parents can provide love and support that make it possible for your child to meet new people and make friends.....
When we come to the topic of friends, one thing is clear: everyone needs friends. I remember my childhood full of constant change of rental houses, resulting in me making new friends again and again. I was a very reserved child. Making friends was difficult for me. Even when I finally made some friends, it was time to move, again. This was one thing that I hated the most. For me friends and friendship was special and I believe it is special for every child.
The word 'friends' is so commonly used that people usually take it as something normal and not see its significance for a child. So what exactly is a friend? If you go by Aristotle's definition, "It's a single soul dwelling in two bodies". So much so that best friends acquire each other's behaviors and mannerisms, language and preferences. I remember while in school our whole group had the same type of handwriting. We even enjoyed same kinds of songs and similar sports.
Friends promote mental health and overall wellbeing for children of all ages. Friends and friendship is important for their social and emotional development. Just by having friends, children learn to relate with others, as they teach each other skills of being a good friend, and acquire social skills at the same time. Most children want to have friends. Children with friends are likely to be more confident and academically sound. Children constantly learning positive friendship skills are found to be happy and confident. These children are constantly making and retaining friends. Having said so, we rarely observe the development of friendship.
Friendship in children starts really early following their development growth and their perception of friendship varies with age. Up to one year just looking, smiling, touching and imitating do the job very well. As the child grows, the criterion for a friend gradually changes. Children between three to six years of age consider those who do something that pleases them as friends. For them friends are momentary playmates and friendship is about just having fun. They assume that other children think the same way. Hence they become upset when their friend has a different opinion, resulting in temporary conflict.
Children between five and nine years consider someone a friend if s/he gives them nice presents, shares things regardless of whether it's toys, time, games, experiences and feelings. Now children gradually learn that they can have their social needs met and they can meet others' needs too. This is also the time they start considering others' feelings and are interested in knowing how other people think about issues and objects. Indicating that they are gradually growing, they start caring a lot about friendship. Sometimes children from this age group tolerate someone they don't like just because they want to make new friends. Sometimes they might even use friendship as a bargaining chip. The next level of friendship includes fairness and cooperation and playing by the rules. This includes age group seven to twelve years.
For this age group close friendship is not just mutual exchange, but based on well-matched needs and skills, which change as they grow. They are able to consider a friend's perspective in addition to their own, but not at the same time. That means they understand turn taking, but they can't really step back and get an observer's perspective that would allow them to see patterns of interaction in their relationships. They are concerned about fairness and reciprocity. If they do something nice for a friend they expect that friend to do something nice for them at the next opportunity. If this doesn't happen, the friendship is likely to fall apart. Children in this stage are somewhat judgmental of both themselves and others.
Next level of friendship includes intimate, mutually shared relationships; this is also caring and sharing stage. Children aged eight to fifteen years are very much into solving each other's problems among friends; they also share and confide thoughts and feelings with each other that they don't usually share with others. They are familiar with compromising and genuinely care about each other's happiness.
They place high value on emotional closeness with friends and even accept and appreciate differences between themselves and their friends. Not being possessive, they're less likely to feel threatened if their friends have other relationships. Showing signs of mature friendship that emphasizes trust and support while remaining close over time. I know at this point you are thinking, 'Can parents contribute to this process?'
Yes, it's the parents who contribute actively in preparing the child to interact successfully with his/her peers because a child is born without social skills. Parents help build key social skills that help with friendship. These include cooperation, communication, empathy, emotional control and responsibility. In the process, parents and caretakers can provide children with opportunities to play with peers to gain experience and learn important social skills.
Parents are the coaches who teach positive social skills to their children, and help children use new skills in real-life situations. The most important thing for a parent is to help children solve friendship conflicts. Talking about problems with a supportive adult helps children think rationally about what happens, how they feel about it and what to do next. Thinking things through helps to build more mature social skills.
Finally, if as a parent you are concerned about your child not making enough friends, consider this: it is entirely possible that your child has a different social style to yours. You can play a crucial role in your child's social development. You can be a good role model but you cannot make friends for him/her. You can however provide your love, patience, and support that make it possible for your child to meet new people and make friends on their own. Now that is not too much of an expectation from a parent. Or is it?
If you have watched or read any news lately, it is likely you have heard some of the tragic stories about young people committing suicide.
Children killing themselves as a result of being bullied has been a particular focus in the media recently, sparking numerous debates and new anti-bullying legislation in a number of states.
It is truly disheartening that so many of our youth feel desperate enough to take their own lives, obviously feeling hopeless about ever feeling better. It makes it doubly tragic that so many parents must endure the mental anguish of losing a child—especially losing a child to suicide.
A rather new question that further adds to the tragic nature of many of these cases is: What role do antidepressants play in shaping this trend?
As more and more teens are prescribed antidepressants, antipsychotic drugs and drugs for ADD/ADHD, suicide rates have gone up rather than decreased. I'll explore this particular facet of this troubling trend in a moment.
Shocking Teen Suicide Statistics
As of 2007, suicide ranked as the third leading cause of death among young people (ages 15 to 24), exceeded only by accidents and homicides. Sadly, suicides account for 1.4 percent of all deaths in the U.S. each year, but comprise 12.2 percent of all deaths among 15-24 year-olds.
In other words, the proportion of deaths resulting from suicide amongst teenagers is nine times the proportion for adults!
There are approximately 11.3 youth suicides each and every day in the U.S. Every two hours and seven minutes, a person under the age of 25 completes suicide.
In the past 60 years, the suicide rate has quadrupled for 15-24 year-old males and doubled for females.
Males in this age group are 4-5 times more likely than females to completesuicide. However, females are more likely to attempt suicide. This is largely a result of males tending to choose more lethal methods (firearms) as a means of ending their lives, whereas girls more often choose less lethal methods (pills).
Between 1981 and 2007, suicide rates for children ages 10-14 increased by 50 percent.
In the U.S. in 2007, 119 children ages 10-14 completed suicide. In this age group, suicide is the fourth leading cause of death.
Guns are the most commonly used suicide method among youth, accounting for 45.9 percent of all completed suicides. Guns in the home have proved deadly to children.
It is estimated there are more than 1,000 suicides on college campuses each year. According to the American College Health Association, 9.5 percent of college students have seriously contemplated suicide, and 1.5 percent have made an attempt.
Interpersonal Conflicts Top the List of Reasons Youth Commit Suicide
Interpersonal conflicts are often the core problem of your adolescent's reasons for suicide. One of the most serious conflicts an adolescent can encounter is the issue of gender identity. The social repercussions of this issue can be profoundly distressing to a teen, and unfortunately the bullying and "gay bashing" that sometimes occurs can result in a suicide attempt.
Forth Worth City Councilman Joel Burns captured the heart of the public recently by telling his own story about the bullying he faced as a gay teen at a public council meeting October 13, 2010. His powerful message to the nation's youth is a poignant example of the devastating effects bullying can have on a child.
Regardless of your feelings and beliefs about the gender identity issue, I think we can all agree this particular group deserves more support and compassion from society. As researchers have attempted to get a handle on youth suicide, they have identified several important trends:
Most adolescent suicides occur after school in the teen's home.
If you have a child in high school, it is likely three students in his classroom have made suicide attempts in the past year.
Not all suicidal children admit their intent. Therefore, any deliberate self-harming behaviors should be seriously evaluated.
Most teen suicide attempts are precipitated by interpersonal conflicts. The suicide behavior often represents a child's desperate attempt to change the behavior and attitudes of others.
If your child makes more than one nonfatal attempt, she is using this as a means of coping with ongoing stress. Children who do this need immediate help learning better ways of coping.
What cultural factors could be responsible for the fragile emotional health of our youth?
Teen Suicide is a Blend of Biological, Emotional, Spiritual and Social Factors
I believe today's rates of suicide in our young people stems from several key areas, including:
Vast increases in off-label psychiatric drug use for kids. Psychotropic drugs that have not been approved for children are nevertheless being prescribed for depression, anxiety, insomnia, distractibility, and even shyness or social awkwardness. Antidepressants top this list (which I will discuss in detail later).
Decreased parental involvement. Many kids are growing up in single-parent households, or those where both parents are working, so a large number of children are spending more time alone (or with peers) than with parents. Many are not receiving enough adult guidance and modeling, so they don't have the opportunity to learn the coping skills necessary to effectively deal with stress.
Increased toxins in your environment and food supply. Estimates show most Americans have somewhere between 400 and 800 chemicals stored in their bodies. Exposure to environmental toxins from your air, water and food supply has been linked to depression, attention deficit disorder, schizophrenia, and less ability to cope with stress.
No outlet for negative emotions. Children learn by example. If a child is never taught how to release his sadness or fear or other negative emotions, he may be at increased risk for depression and suicide. Early childhood stress can have a lingering effect on your child's health—mental AND physical.
Loss of connection with the Earth. Children today spend most of their time inside buildings, disconnected from the earth and its healing electrical field. Even when they are outside, they wear rubber-soled shoes that effectively shield them from the healing energy of the Earth. There is exciting new research underway about how reconnecting with the Earth (walking barefoot), also known as "earthing," can result in profound healing of your mind and body.
And then there's the new bully on the block: the cyberbully. No longer are encounters with bullies limited to the back alley on the way home from school.
21st Century Terrorizing: The Age of the Cyberbully
Cyberbullying is a relatively new means of abuse that has received a great deal of media attention lately.Cyberbullying is defined as follows:
"Cyberbullying is when a child or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones."
For the mean-spirited, the methods for cyberbullying are endless and limited only by a child's imagination and access to technology. Children have killed each other, as well as themselves, after being involved in cyberbullying.
A recent review of 37 international studies, which explored bullying and suicide risk, concluded that children who are victims, perpetrators, or even witnesses to bullying have an increased risk for suicidal thoughts.
With social networking and electronic media expanding the ways kids can bully, tease and otherwise malign their peers, a great deal of damage can be done in a very short period of time, devastating the victim's life. The use of electronic media allows the bully to retain some "perceived distance" and even anonymity from the victim, while doing extensive and irretractable damage.
With the Internet, there are no take-backs, even if the bully later has second thoughts!
This recent take on bullying has created new levels of stress for our youth, which directly impacts suicidal behaviors. It is vitally important that you monitor what your child is doing on the Internet. For more about how to prevent cyberbullying or stop it once it starts, go to
www.stopcyberbullying.org. In order to prevent teen suicide from all angles, it is vital to recognize what leads to it, and then address the causes.
How to Tell if Your Child is at Risk for Suicide
Unfortunately, there is no way to be one hundred percent sure if another human being is suicidal—even if it's your own child. There is no clear profile of the suicidal adolescent.
However, there ARE signs you can watch for. Epidemiological studies have identified variables correlated with suicide risk, and becoming familiar with them will stack the deck in your favor, giving you time to intervene before your child becomes desperate enough to harm himself.
According to the American Association of Suicidology and other organizations, most suicidal teens will have one or more of the following risk factors:
Prior suicide attempt
Expression of thoughts of suicide, death, dying, or the afterlife, in the context of sadness, boredom, hopelessness, loneliness or other negative feelings; risk is even higher if he has a specific suicide plan
Presence of a psychiatric disorder (e.g., depression, drug or alcohol abuse, behavior disorders, conduct disorder and/or incarceration, etc.)
Impulsivity, irritability, and aggressive behavior; frequent expressions of rage
Increasing use of alcohol or drugs
Exposure to another's suicide, especially a family member or friend
Recent severe stressor (e.g., struggling with gender identity, unplanned pregnancy, loss of a parent, recent trauma, anticipated losses, etc.)
Family instability or significant family conflict
The following is a general list of things to keep in mind when assessing your child for potential suicidal risk. The list is in no way comprehensive but will give you a general idea of the kinds of behaviors to notice. A child thinking about suicide may exhibit:
Sad, anxious or "empty" mood (for example, talking about being a bad person, unworthy or not good enough)
Sleeping too much or too little
Changes in weight, appetite, or eating habits
Deteriorating grooming habits
Talking about or preoccupation with death (for example, writing poems about death)
Declining school performance or poor school experience; feeling like he has failed to live up to his own or someone else's expectations
Signs of psychotic thinking, such as delusions, hallucinations or bizarre thoughts
Intolerance of praise or rewards
Loss of pleasure/interest in social or sports activities
Giving away prized possessions
Dramatic changes in personality—such as acting like a rebel when he's usually timid, becoming violent or aggressive, or running away.
Suddenly becoming cheerful after a period of sadness/depression
Deteriorating relationships with friends or family; trouble with a girlfriend or boyfriend; withdrawing from people he used to feel close to
Out of character boredom or trouble concentrating
Abuse of alcohol or drugs
Physical complaints that seem to have no physical basis, such as headaches, stomachaches, etc.
You might find this Teen Suicide Risk Calculator useful. However, keep in mind that every child is different, so I would caution you to not rely exclusively on one source of information or tool.
YOU know your child best!
The bottom line is, trust your gut feelings. If you are concerned, consult a professional for help. If you believe your child is in imminent danger, call a specialised suicide helpline/counsellor or call the police for help.Better to over-react than to do nothing.
QUESTION: Do You Have Any of These Common Misconceptions?
Dr. Robert A. King, professor at Yale University and a psychiatrist at the Yale Child Study Center, has done extensive research on adolescent suicide. According to Dr. King, there are three main misconceptions about teen suicide:
"My teenager might attempt suicide if he has a bad day." Although an upsetting episode is often the immediatetrigger, the vast majority of adolescents who commit suicide have had long-standing emotional problems, such as depression or substance abuse.
"If I ask my teenager about suicide, I might put the idea in her head." Research shows that distressed or previously suicidal adolescents actually feel LESS distressed or suicidal following surveys that ask them about it, rather than more so. So the best thing you can do if you are concerned that your child is suicidal is to ask. Open up honest dialog, and let her know you're concerned.
"I should start thinking about suicide prevention when my child reaches adolescence." Some of the most effective long-term prevention measures begin in early childhood. The earlier your child learns how to effectively deal with negative emotions, the less at risk she will be.
Kids are Increasingly Targeted With Antidepressants – A Dangerous Proposition that Might Be a Driving Factor for Rising Suicide Rates
Every year, 230 million prescriptions for antidepressants are filled, making them one of the most prescribed drugs in the United States. The amount of drugs being given to U.S. children is outrageous, and the extent of the problem becomes clear when you compare the statistics with other countries. U.S. children are getting three times more prescriptions for antidepressants as kids from Germany and the Netherlands, for example.
Depression can indeed progress to suicide if left untreated. But do antidepressants work to alleviate the symptoms of depression?
NO, they don't.
Studies continue to show antidepressant drugs are not any more effective than a placebo, and in some case less effective. A study published in the January 2010 issue of JAMA, concluded there is little evidence that SSRIs (a popular group of antidepressants that includes Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft) have any benefit to people with mild to moderate depression.
SSRIs were 33 percent effective, just like a sugar pill—but with far more adverse effects, including violence and suicidal thoughts and actions. Another study presented at the Neuroscience conference in 2009 tells a similar story.
Not only are these drugs ineffective, but there is much evidence that they intensify violent thoughts and behaviors, both suicidal and homicidal. It's rather telling that seven of the last 12 school shootings were perpetrated by children who were either on antidepressants or withdrawing from them! Besides introducing risk without benefit, antidepressants may be making depression more chronic.
So, antidepressants appear to be changing depression from a "transitory" illness into a more chronic illness. Antidepressants are clearly not the answer for a depressed child or adolescent. But if we take those off the table, then what is the answer?
A Technique Offering Great Hope—and it's FREE
My favorite technique for clearing out the negative emotions that sometimes lead to depression is the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). EFT isn't just for adults—it's being used by children for all sorts of different issues ranging from stomachaches to bedwetting, sprains and strains, phobias, social anxiety, learning problems, hyperactivity, sleep difficulties, stress management—and depression.
Children are generally quick learners, as well as being very open to learning something new. The earlier you teach your child EFT, the better.
Some innovative groups have developed wonderful EFT learning tools for children in the form of cuddly stuffed bears with the tapping points marked on them (TappyBear, Magic Buttons Bear), which makes EFT fun. Children can project their fears onto the bear and tap on him, which they sometimes find more fun than tapping on themselves.
One EFT practitioner, Mary Stafford M.Ed.,LPC,EFT-Adv, has even developed an EFT "shortcut" for kids, which simplifies the process by limiting the tapping points to only four (instead of 8 to 10) when teaching EFT to children.
Teaching your children how to do their own "emotional housekeeping" through EFT is a gift that will serve them well throughout their lives. The time to start is BEFORE issues begin to appear—so the earlier, the better.
Other Practical Suggestions for Nurturing Your Child's Mental Health
In addition to EFT, there are eight important strategies to employ if your child is struggling with his emotions. These strategies have nothing but positive effects and are generally very inexpensive to implement.
Take time to really talk to, and listen to, your child. Sometimes the difference between feeling helpless and feeling hope is just knowing that you are loved. Teach positive coping skills, and let your child know it is okay—even desirable— to ask for help.
Control access to potentially dangerous items in your home, such as guns and pills.
Make sure your child is getting adequate exercise. Regular exercise is one of the secret weapons against depression, helping to normalize insulin levels while boosting the "feel good" hormones in your child's brain. Getting them moving can do wonders for their mental health (and yours!) and is a major improvement over sitting in front of a television or computer.
Encourage your child to go outside and play in the sunshine. Safe sun exposure allows your child's body to produce vitamin D, which is great for his mood. One study even found that people with the lowest levels of vitamin D were 11 times more prone to depression than those who received adequate vitamin D. Just make sure your child doesn't overdo it and get sunburned.
Limit the amount of sugar, soda, grain, and processed food your child eats. Doing so will help normalize his insulin level and prevent his becoming another victim of childhood obesity. Sugar causes chronic inflammation, which disrupts immune function and can wreak havoc on the brain; sugar consumption is directly linked with depression.
Supplement your child's diet with a high quality omega-3 fatty acid, such as krill oil. This may be one of the most significant nutrients preventing depression. DHA is one of the Omega-3 fatty acids in salmon and krill oil, and many children don't get enough of it. Low DHA levels have been linked to depression.
We hope by reading this article you as a parent, brother, sister, grandparent, aunt, uncle or friend will be equipped with the skills to recognise and understand suicide a little better. Education is key in tackling this what can sometimes seem like an epidemic among our young people of Ireland.
Please feel free to comment and we do encourage you to share.
Dan Haelser, is an international keynote speaker, educator, writer & consultant who has taught in both the UK and Australia, said that teachers can no longer say they do not have a role to play in personal, social, health and economic education (PSHE) as it effects every aspect of their work.
Earlier this month, the chairs of four Commons select committees wrote to education secretary UK Nicky Morgan to make PSHE statutory.
Mr Haesler, an educator and writer, told the education technology conference Bett that how attached a student feels to their school is a "very strong predictor of whether a child will suffer from depression”.
“So when a teacher says 'All this PSHE stuff is really not my thing', I am afraid they’re wrong,” he said. “The point is every single one of us is a teacher of wellbeing. And if you ask how important this is, it turns out school belonging is more important in terms of wellbeing than how attached they are to their parents.”
Teaching in the 21st century is about trying to help kids to “connect and belong”, he added.
The educationist claimed that the reason why young people spend so much of their time online is because “it is where they feel they belong”.
And Mr Haesler claimed that young people’s use of social media was increasingly becoming a way to “outsource their sense of self-worth” to their peer group online.
“I would challenge the idea that kids have become this narcissistic bunch who love themselves,” he said.
“When a kid takes a selfie they don’t take one – they take 45 then they choose one, they put it through a filter, they crop it then they post it on Facebook and check to see how many likes it has,” he said.
“And you know what? It’s never enough. Kids don’t love themselves. If they did they would take one and just put it up, or maybe they wouldn’t even do that. They have outsourced their sense of self worth.”
