How to Spot Depression in Children and Where to Get Help

Buddy Bench

It is one of the hardest things for a parent to cope with - to see your child suffering from mental health problems, with no real idea what has gone wrong or how you can help them. 

Signs of mental health problems in teenagers and children are sometimes dismissed as angst, but a recent UK Government-funded survey has revealed why we should be taking the issue much more seriously.

At the age of 14, a quarter of girls and one in 10 boys show signs of depression, researchers from UCL Institute of Education and the University of Liverpool found. The causes include stress, body image issues, bullying and social media pressure – all of which are typically experienced by teenagers and children in day-to-day life and may have a greater effect than you think.

Those from poorer or mixed ethnic backgrounds have a greater risk of showing signs, the survey of more than 10,000 children taking part in the Millennium Cohort Study found, while girls are more likely to suffer than boys.

Emma Saddleton, helpline manager at children’s mental health charity Young Minds, says: “Most young people experience ups and down during their teenage years and occasionally will feel down or upset by things going on in their lives. They might be adapting to a change in their family or school life, or just trying out new emotions, and will generally grow out of worrying behaviour.

“But some young people feel sad, lonely, down, anxious or stressed for longer periods of time to the extent that it can affect their everyday lives and can prevent that young person from doing things they would normally do.”

For early intervention, you should look out for the following signs:

1. A lack of motivation or interest

One sign of depression is a severe lack of motivation. This might come in the form of caring very little about their grades, showing little interest in hobbies, or even going out to see friends. Make note of what they’ve been enthusiastic about before, but may not be now.

2. A feeling of intolerance or irritation

Intolerance or irritation can be shown in a few different ways. They might cope by snapping or causing arguments more often than usual. Perhaps they’ve suddenly shown a sudden dislike to something or someone for seemingly no reason or frustration builds much quicker than it used to.

3. A feeling of hopelessness or helplessness

Look out for indications of helplessness in the things your child or teen says. They might think that nothing they can do will help improve their grades or improve relationships with friends. In some cases, they may become more reckless when thinking their actions no longer have consequences.

4. Lack of self-esteem

A lack of self-esteem can be evident in small actions that might be mistaken for typical teenage habits. Your teen might fret a lot over their outfits or appearance, constantly going back in to their room to change. They might worry over small outings such as going over to the shop for a pint of milk or meeting family friends.

5. Difficulty in making decisions

Although many people have trouble with making decisions, in an extreme case, this could be a sign of depression. Look out for signs of becoming easily frustrated or tearful when faced with a choice or decision.

6. They are no longer finding enjoyment in life

If your child or teen lacks excitement for things they would have previously enjoyed for a long period of time, this could be a strong indicator of depression. They might not care for an upcoming party or a meal they love. Become aware of how often they smile or laugh when watching TV or scrolling through their phones.

7. Changes in patterns of life

Other signs that may be easier to spot include changes in eating and sleeping habits. If your child or teen is eating or sleeping significantly more or less, it might be time to take the symptoms more seriously.

Useful Websites for Young People

• Al-Teen - 01 8732 699
• Anti-Bullying Centre, Trinity College Dublin
• CARI (helpline for children and families affected by sexual abuse) - 1890 924567 / 01 8308529
• Cura (pregnancy counselling service) - 1850 622 626
• Drugs / HIV Helpline - 1800 459 459
• Gay Switchboard - 01 8721 055
• Headstrong - Changing how Ireland thinks about young people's mental health through Jigsaw, Research and Advocacy.
• INSPIRE (Ireland)
• OCD Ireland
• Rape Crisis Centre - 1800 778 888 / 01 6614 911
• Samaritans - 1850 60 90 90
• Shine (Schizophrenia Ireland) - 01 8601 620
• www.yourmentalhealth.ie aims to improve awareness and understanding of mental health in Ireland.
• www.belongto.org is an organisation for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered young people.
• www.barnardos.ie/teenhelp is somewhere where teens can go to for help and advice, as part of Barnardos mission to make Ireland a better place to be a child.
• www.bodywhys.ie is a national voluntary organisation providing a range of services for people affected by eating disorders
• www.omcya.ie is the web site of the Office of the Minister for Children and Youth Affairs
• www.pleasetalk.ie is a website which provides details of the support services available to students on college and university campuses.
• www.seechange.ie is Ireland's national partnership to reduce stigma and challenge discrimination associated with mental health problems. See Change are an alliance of organisations working together to bring about positive change in public attitudes and behaviour towards people with mental health problems.
• www.headstrong.ie is a national organisation working with communities to ensure that young people are better supported to achieve mental health and well being
• www.reachout.com a support service for young people going through a tough time with information on the issues that matter to young people, signposts to other services and the opportunity to join a supportive online, mental health community
• www.aware.ie is a national voluntary organisation providing support through depression
• www.shine.ie is the national organisation dedicated to upholding the rights and addressing the needs of all those affected by enduring mental illness including, but not exclusively; schizophrenia, schizo-affective disorder and bi-polar disorder
• www.grow.ie helps people who have suffered, or are suffering from mental health problems
• www.mentalhealthireland.ie is a national voluntary organisation which aims to promote mental health and support persons with a mental illness

https://www.jigsaw.ie/jigsaw-services/get-in-touch/

https://www.shine.ie/contact/

http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/teens/

Starting "Big" School

The big day is nearly here, your ‘big boy’ or ‘big girl’ is getting ready to start ‘big school’! 

The books are bought, the backpack filled, the uniform pressed and ready to go! Both you and your child feel the excitement and anticipation of the big day to come. You know his self-esteem is high, and that he is well able to communicate his needs to the teacher. You know how independent she is, and that her social skills and friendships are strong. In your heart of hearts, you know they are ready to take this first step into formal education. So, what can you do in these final days to support them during this important transition?

Start by talking about school and reading books about children starting school. These books cover all sorts of situations, and can be a great way to start conversations about what is expected in the primary school system.  Pre-empt any anxieties by going through the various processes – when they will have lunch, what do to if they need to use the toilet, where you will meet them at the end of the day. Speak positively about school, if you are nervous about them starting school, try not to show it! 

In practical terms, think about how independent they can be.

Can she put on and take off her coat herself? (If her coat is new, make sure she can recognise it!).

Is he confident in using the bathroom? (If his new uniform has zips, just check he can use them).

Can she open and close her schoolbag and lunchbox? (Usually these are both new).

Don’t forget to label all their possessions. This can avoid rows over who owns what!

Break and lunch times can be hectic in a classroom full of junior infants, and the teacher will often not have enough time (or hands!) to help so many children. Little oranges can be difficult to peel, yogurt drinks can end up down the front of their jumper, and plastic wrapped cheeses of various sorts often end up at the bottom of the lunch box half opened. Try having a ‘pretend school lunchtime’ with your child at home so that they can try things out, and you can see what they can manage easily.

If your child does not know any other children in the new class, ask around to see if any children living near you will be starting and introduce them before the big day.  Starting school is always easier with a hand to hold! 

Try to get into a new routine early – earlier bed time and waking earlier in the morning – and plan your routine for the mornings. What can you have ready the night before to make your mornings easier? Better to have more time in the mornings, than be rushing in a panic. A stressed parent = stressed child.

On the first morning at school, arrive in plenty of time.  Don’t worry if there are a few tears (either your child or yourself – just hide your own till you have left the classroom!) it is often just a release of all the emotion of the day. No matter how you are feeling, be positive with your child.

Don’t linger too long in the classroom - if your child is nervous, try to engage them in an activity, or with another child before you leave. Always tell them when you are leaving, and that you will be there waiting for them when school ends. Remind them that if they are unsure of anything, just ask the teacher – she is there to help.

If you have an anxious child, don’t minimise their concerns, instead talk to them about what to expect and talk through how they might respond to any concerns they might have. A little trick can be to put a few drops of your perfume on a hankie for them to take in their schoolbag with them – if feeling a little nervous, it can help to have a little sniff of mum! Or get two little matching charms one for you and one for the child to take to school – if you are missing each other you have the charm to remind you the other one is thinking of you.

At the end of the day, make sure you are on time to collect them! It can be very upsetting for a child if they are left waiting for you. After school, try to have some time set aside to talk to your child about their daily activities. But try not to worry if your child says ‘I don’t know’ when asked about school life, they have an awful lot to take in over those first weeks. Most parents have experience of the greeting ‘what did you do today?’ getting the response ‘nothing’! Remember this transition is not just the first day of school, it takes time to settle into the new classroom and routine, and you can expect them to be more tired than usual over the first weeks.

Finally, don’t forget to look after your own emotional well-being. Your child starting school can be as much of an emotional change for you as it is for them. Keep yourself busy over those first days. Try to have a few words with some of the other parents at drop off and pick up times, they are going through the same emotions, and will probably become your friends and allies for the next eight years or so! Your child starting school is both exciting and emotional, watching them finding their wings and learning to fly. Don’t worry it will soon be 3pm, and your little whirlwind will be back, eyes sparkling, to reassure you that she really is a ‘big girl’ now!  

Thank You Dr Mary O'Kane

Dr Mary O'Kane is a lecturer in Psychology and Early Childhood Education with Maynooth University and The Open University. Her PhD research studied the issues that children in Ireland, and their families, face during the transition from preschool to primary school. Mary provides training seminars for preschool providers and parents in the areas of wellbeing and self esteem, resilience in young children, positive behaviour management, and preparing children for primary school. Mary worked as the resident early years expert on the Anton Savage show on Today FM, and from 2017 works in the same capacity on the Alison Curtis Show. Mary is also a regular contributor to Ireland AM on parenting and early childhood education issues.

How to Explain Terrorism to your Child?

As parents, there is a constant temptation to shield our children from bad news. But sometimes, and in particular with acts of terrorism, bad news is unavoidable - it’s in on television, it’s on social media, and it’s on our minds.

Experts from the Royal College of Psychiatrists have advised that parents should be honest with their children about the Manchester terror attack. "We would not advise hiding your child from what may be on the news or social media," said Dr Bernadka Dubicka, chairwoman-elect of RCP's child and adolescent psychiatry faculty. "They will inevitably learn about it from their friends, so it's best to be honest with them about what has happened.

Yet how exactly do you go about explaining to a young child that 22 people have been murdered at a concert?

Language Matters

For children of all ages, the most important thing is to reassure them that they are safe. Don’t get into the political context with primary-aged children. That may come up in conversation with older children, but the importance at any age is offering the reassurance that they are safe.

For pre-school children, use concrete language: don’t say “This person went to sleep” or “We’ve lost that person” - because that could instil fear or anxiety in that child about going to sleep. And what does lost mean? They’re lost at the shops? Be accurate and mindful of the impact of your language.

Age-appropriate conversations

For pre-school, think about how much exposure they’ve had. Maybe they’ve overheard the news, so the conversation could be quite brief: acknowledge what has happened, and say that lots of people have died as a result of a really bad incident. You can say that we don’t know why this has happened.

As the parent or teacher or carer, the most important part is to offer reassurance: this is very unusual, there are lots of safety checks in place to protect us.

Use age-appropriate language, and be aware of what your child understands: do they really know what “died” means? It’s usually not until the age of 5 or 6 that children understand that death is permanent.

With primary school, the majority will understand what “dead” means. So it may be that you can add details - you may be able to sit down and watch the 6 o’clock news together.
The perpetrators

You should talk about a bad action or behaviour - not bad people. Ms Allen explains: “A lot of our work is with families bereaved through murder.

With children, you must be careful about the language: people aren’t bad - it’s something bad that they’ve done - this helps prevent anxiety in children, and fears that ‘bad people’ are coming to get them.”

Social Media Awareness

Secondary school aged children will have come across news about the attacks already on social media. Remind them that some of the things they have read there may be incorrect. Have a conversation with your child about what they think has happened.

Talk about the images they’ve seen - these can be more powerful than words.

If they see an image, and haven’t had a conversation with someone they trust, they will build up these images something that is so big that it’s unmanageable for them; you don’t want a child to start fantasising that someone is going to come after them.
Promote peace

When I have spoken to my children, who are primary and pre-school age, about previous terror attacks, I've tried to shift their focus towards the coming together people in the aftermath, and the work people around the world to keep everyone safe.

Shield them
This hysteria is exactly what the people carrying out these acts want. And it is exactly this sort of hysteria that we, as parents, need to protect our children from. Instead, this is the sentiment we need to spread: that the majority of the world wants peace.

KEY POINTS

• This story is upsetting for children because they can imagine something like this happening to them or someone close to them.
• The next few days might be more difficult as images of people grieving will be shown on the television, which can be upsetting for children and might trigger more questions.
• It is very unusual that something like this happens. This is one of the reasons why it is on the news and lots of people are talking about it; it is also because it is very upsetting that something like this could happen.
• Children find the idea of bad people particularly frightening. Children are also very fair-minded and will want reassurance that the person who did this has been caught by the police and will be punished.
• This can be an opportunity to help young people develop their empathy and reflect on the value of life and relationships.

What if they ask why it happened?
If the children want to know ‘why?’ you could say something like:

‘No-one can completely know why. We know it wasn’t an accident. It’s so, so difficult to understand why anyone would be so cruel as to kill other people.’

If your children are scared they or you will die.
Try to answer with some solid reassurance, such as: "We don’t expect anything like this will ever happen here.

"If one of us died for any reason, you would always be looked after by ­­­­­­______ (the other parent/aunt/uncle/granny/family friend). I don’t expect to die for a long time yet’.

May the beautiful beings who lost their precious lives yesterday, rest in peace.

Progressive Education Competition

We at Buddy Bench  strive to become the leaders in progressive education here in Ireland,  social and emotional skills being key.

Emphasis on learning by doing – hands-on projects, expeditionary learning.

An integrated curriculum.

Strong emphasis on problem solving and critical thinking.

Selection of subject content by looking forward to ask what skills will be needed in future society.
Education for social responsibility and democracy.
Emphasis on lifelong learning and social skills.

In September 2017 we are running a nationwide competition to highlight  those hundreds of primary schools who intend to or are running amazing initiatives. We want to hear what your school is doing about being active, being aware of  mental health, keeping safe online and in general being a school that is conscious of progressive education with the element of social and emotional learning.

There is an amazing prize (sorry not disclosure yet), so if you think your school is forward thinking, child led and has support from parents, parents association's, teachers and an inspirational principals, do let us know about them..............

Email hello@buddybench.ie or comment below with a very short description of who is your school and what initiatives they are doing.

Thank You For Now.

Transition Buddy (6th Class Only)

Transition Buddy

After eight years of being sheltered in  one-room, one-teacher mode of primary school and familiar friends children in sixth class will be  thrust into a timetabled world of multiple teachers, classrooms and subjects, and a whole new group of peers.

These children were sixth class, governing over the younger children; now they will be at the bottom of the heap, conspicuous in their brand new, over-sized uniforms bought with an eye for "room to grow".

Apprehension as well as excitement is natural – not only for the first-year pupils but also their parents. If it's your first child to make this leap in the education system, you may have that "newbie" feeling too.

This can be a difficult yet exciting stage in a young person's life, with adequate communication skills and coping mechanisms the journey need not be so difficult. We have developed the Transition Buddy programme for sixth class students to allow them move along from the safety of their primary school to their new adventure to secondary.

Challenges

Worrying about how your child will cope with all the challenges of secondary school may be coupled with uncertainty about your own role as a parent in these changed circumstances.  Parents report the adjustment of having less involvement in their child's day to day routine and less knowledge of their children's new friends as an adjustment they have to make too.  This time also coincides with the rite of passage that is teenage discos, which brings a whole new level of peer pressure they may have not experienced before.  

How do you strike a balance between under- and over-involvement, between providing support and being a suffocating "helicopter" parent?

The pre-teen is faced with a wide array of new subjects, with the pressure of having to make decisions about which ones to choose at the end of the year.  Having to absorb all these new changes and information can be overwhelming.

Research shows that, in the hiatus caused by the move from primary to secondary school, "a high proportion of kids suffer educational progress deficit – something about the transfer from one set of educational parameters to another causes them to dip in their educational attainment.

Most schools are doing much more these days to smooth the way for first-year pupils, with induction programmes, mentoring by older students and bringing them in for a day before the rest of the school's pupils return. Before the end of June, the schools should have received the now compulsory "Education Passport" for each  from his or her primary school.

Our Transition Buddy Programme

It's All About Friends!

While friendships can occasionally be difficult, pre-teens need friends, and having friends will help them deal with all the challenges associated with secondary school. Below are some common friendship problems your child might encounter, along with a few simple solutions to help solve them.

Being Excluded: For many pre-teens, their biggest fear is being socially excluded or ostracized from friends and peers. They desire to be a part of a group, and without one, they feel lost. To make matters even more complicated, many pre-tween experience friendship problems in school, and may actually lose a friend or two in the process, even long-term friendships may suffer.

Dealing with Bullying: We educate your child about bullying, and give him or her ideas on how to handle a bully should he or she come face to face with one. We discuss that good friends don't bully, or try to manipulate others. Good friends also don't torment their friends. Helping pre-teens know the difference between a good friend and a bad one is important information they will need throughout adolescence.

Being Dumped: Rejection is never easy, even for adults and it's especially difficult for pre-teens and teens. Sometimes children are rejected, even by long-time friends, or dumped in favour of more popular kids It's also possible for friends to grow apart during school, as interests change or develop.  We discuss that sometimes friendships don't last, and point out friends that are still there for him or her.

Positive Mental Well Being

Children are extraordinarily observant, and as they move outward into the world they want to take responsibility for their own wellbeing and that of other people, the environment and so on.

Through discussion and role-play we introduce the idea that a real hero has self-awareness, can understand their own feelings and cultivate positive habits of thought, cares for their own mental health, knows their own limitations and strengths and develops skills to match, asks friends how they are doing, and knows how to listen well.

This Transition Buddy programme gives the young person the tools for personal and social resilience, and invites children to become members of our Hero Club, ambassadors for friendship and self-fulfilment as they move towards adolescence.

Some of the topics we cover are:

• Understanding Feelings
• Know Yourself
• Body Scan
• Move Your Mood
• Take Care of Yourself
• Be Yourself

Young people can learn in times of distress, that they are able to find comfort and support through each other rather than feeling upset and worried. It's these small changes, spread across classrooms, that could make society more kind—and educate a new generation of more compassionate and connected adults.

To book us to come to your school to deliver the Transition Buddy programme to your sixth class email us on hello@buddybench.ie or call (056) 7702027

The feedback from our programmes is very promising – we are currently completing an evaluation with the Mental Health Social Research Unit at NUI Maynooth. According to teachers' ratings, children show more empathy and kindness and a greater ability to calm themselves down when they feel upset. Their social and emotional development has improved, the children showed improvement in the ability to think flexibly, and had cultivated the life skills that have been linked to health and success in later life.

If There Was A Buddy Bench....PJ Gallagher

In our series "if there was a buddy bench in my school", well known and definitely well loved Irish comedian PJ Gallagher tells Judith Ashton why it would have been good for him.

Do Your Children Eat Dirt?

Eat Dirt... She Says

Mums, what is the most important thing that your kids should eat ? I hear you saying fruit and veggies…. But guess what? According to recent research by two Canadian microbiologists, B Brett Finlay and Marie-Claire Arrieta the answer would appear to be some plain good old healthy dirt according to their recently published book “ Let them eat dirt: Saving your child from an over sanitized world.”

They are not advocating that kids “chow down on filth, but we all need to come off our high horses on hygiene. For hundreds of years we have thought that cleanliness is next to godliness. It’s only in the last five or so years that we’re beginning to realize all the many ways in which over sanitization is actually damaging our children’s health.”

When my kids were young, I refused to buy into the TV ads that were promoting anti-bacterial household sprays…. These ads make us think that our kitchens need the same level of sterilisation as a hospital operating theatre and that all surfaces have to be shiny squeaky clean. Somewhere deep down I just knew this was wrong and that there was nothing wrong with a good old fashioned wipe of a cloth. I was right.

In terms of small children good hygiene is absolutely necessary and because of good practice, life expectancy has risen from the age of 40 in 1841 to 79 in 2011 .… In the past , the huge numbers of women dying of infection after childbirth were greatly reduced when the simple solution turned out to be good old hand scrubbing with carbolic soap. At the time, the doctor who first suggested this was ridiculed by his colleagues.

However, in recent times we have gone overboard with too much sanitization with the result being a huge increase in chronic non- infectious diseases such as : allergies, asthma, inflammatory bowel disease and many auto-immune diseases.

From 1990 to 1998 ( only 8 years !) in the UK the wheezing rates of pre-schoolers aged 1 to 5 has doubled and each year the number of British allergy sufferers increases by 5 %, and those with food allergies had doubled in a decade! It is predicted that by 2025 asthma will be the most common chronic childhood disease in the UK. What is going on ?

In an effort to find the answers, Arrieta and Findlay undertook a study which showed that 3 month old babies with 4 specific microbes in their faeces were significantly less likely to develop asthma. Whilst acknowledging that asthma has genetic components some other factors are also crucial. Microbes were the answer. They say that, “In our quest to get rid of the bad bugs we have been getting rid of the good ones too and we desperately need these. Our modern hyper-clean lifestyles are contributing to the rise of these diseases.”

This “ hygiene hypothesis” is not new and was first suggested by Prof. David Strachan in 1989 when he linked the lack of exposure to germs and the surge in allergies

When a baby is born, it has a gut full of immature immune cells and it spends the first few months of its life being colonized by bacteria. If over sanitization prevents this natural occurrence from happening the immune system does not mature and the child is unable to fight off diseases efficiently.

A study by the Centre for Environment and Health in Belgium in 2015 concluded that exposure to bleach in the home was associated with a 20% rise in the risk of flu and a 35% rise in recurrent tonsillitis in schoolchildren. In 2016 the US Food & Drug Administration banned some of the chemicals used in anti-bacterial products.

So maybe it’s time to get rid of all those man -made products that super-squeaky clean our homes. Our grannies used to use good old lemons, baking soda and lavender oils to keep the home fresh.

Findlay and Arrieta also advise parents to limit white flour and sugar in children’s diets as these starve the good microbe and to limit the use of anti-biotics

Findlay says, “ let them play in the dirt .Don’t wash toys unless they are visibly grubby, don’t panic about washing hands unless they are about to eat, relax about sanitizing your home. Oh, and get a dog. Dogs reduce your children’s risk of getting asthma by 13%. It doesn’t work that way with cats as they are too aloof with kids. Dogs on the other hand, will slobber all over them.”

So, your kids need to get out of doors and get dirty! My granny used to say,” A bit of dirt never hurt anyone.” Turns out that she was right all along.

Ref: Findlay & Arrieta. “ Let Them Eat Dirt: Saving Your Child From A Sanitized World.”
Finally, natural , chemical-free household and beauty products from your local health food shop are better for your health and the environment.

Written by our in-house psychotherapist Judith Ashton BA ITEC MFPhys IMTA